Parenting Tips - not authorized by Dr. Phil

For us parents, our children are the centre of our lives and also a reflection of us and our morals and values.

But we’ve also been out in public, turning our attention to the unruly child that acts out at the grocery store or at school and thought “what is up with some people’s children?”.

Without getting too preachy, I've complied a list for sharing because, as we all know "Sharing is Caring".

As you will see, some of my tips aren’t as “modern” or “progressive” as other parenting tips that you will read in parenting magazines or shared by so-called parenting experts. This is because I’ve seen too many examples of today’s helicopter parents that have followed this advice and try to be friends first, and don’t set boundaries or correct behavior with their kids.

This results in raising entitled, disrespectful spoiled kids that disrespect grandparents and disregard the concept of sharing. As such, some of my tips are a hybrid of old school tactics that I was raised with by immigrant parents with some modern threads I’ve picked up on the way.

I also coach two soccer teams so I have been exposed to a lot of different types of children and there are a lot of parallels between coaching and parenting: observe, correct and demonstrate.

Here are my tips that my wife Ranbir and I have used to for over a decade with our kids to raise what we think are two respectful, humble and lively - but not perfect- sons.

1. You (as a parent) are in control – you hold the power and if you have lost that control, you need to get it back. There should be no doubts in the child’s mind who is in charge, and it’s the parents that pay the bills, change the diapers and feed the kids so they control and set the tone for the environment that the kids grow up in. More importantly, children lose respect for parents when they give into their demands and will resent having to fill the leadership void if parents do not. There is no substitute for modelling the behavior that you'd like to see for your kids so we don't come across as hypocrites.

2. Keep them disciplined and correct unacceptable behaviour immediately. Young kids are like puppies - you need to act right away if they act in an undesirable manner. f you wait, they will not realize what they did wrong. More importantly, after you have corrected their behaviour, shower them with even more love and positively explain the result of their actions and why it is important to not to do that again. It is also equally important to praise them when they are acting appropriately or when you see them modifying behavior based on previous feedback.

3. Our children are not perfect little angels – our children are not born perfect, and in fact will never be perfect as perfection is unattainable. However, although they are the center of our world, keep this in mind. They will make mistakes, and have bad days so it’s incumbent on us to be realistic and recognize that they are not perfect and rectify behavior when necessary.

4. Children crave boundaries, discipline and direction. Kids come into the world relying on us to teach them how to navigate their formative younger years. Set these boundaries and rules for them so they have the appropriate structure in place until they can make their own responsible choices when they get older.

5. One of the tougher things to do is deal with as a parent is to say no to something that all of their friends have. Just because everyone else has it doesn’t mean they must have it. Dealing with going without helps demonstrate the difference between a want and a need and help them deal with understanding priorities and avoiding the consumerism trap where kids aren’t satisfied unless you buy something for them.

6. For many kids growing up in the richer nations, they lose sight of how good they have it. A reminder of how many children in different parts of the world have a much tougher than them. A trip back to India helped demonstrate that to my boys with the intent of hopefully having them appreciate the life they have even more.

7. Be aligned with your spouse - there are times that you and your spouse are trying to teach a lesson, but one of you feel stronger about the lesson than the other. Allow the parent who feels more strongly about this issue to take the lead on this with the child as their passion and belief will be clear on why this is an important lesson

8. Be their parent and their friend – but in the right sequence. Kids will have many friends in their lifetime but will only have one set of parents. As such, they rely on us to teach them how to ride the bike of life until the metaphoric training wheels come off and can stand on their own two feet. There are times to be their friend but always through the lens of a parent that is looking out for their best interests.

9. With the infinite technology entertainment options in for today’s kids, and child obesity on the rise, it is critical to limit their “screen” time. Screens commonly used include TV, tablets, iPods and todays all-encompassing video games. If you don’t limit the screen times, their muscles start to atrophy, they consume more calories and put a great strain on their eyes.

10. Toughen them up – one day your kids they will realize life is not a fairy tale and when they do, they will be prepared. This will teach them how to overcome obstacles and develop a resolve when things don’t go their way.

11. We hope that our children choose wisely but we can influence the choices they make. Give them the power to choose but only from the positive options you give them. An example of this is asking what they’d like for breakfast – eggs and turkey bacon, apple with all natural peanut butter or oatmeal. This way they can feel like they have something they want without realizing all the options are healthy J. This also avoids any suggestions they might have like Count Chocula or pancakes and high sugar syrup.

12. Make it a point to teach your kids about things not taught in school. Life lessons about following a proper diet, managing their finances for now and for retirement, self defence in case they get bullied, the importance of teamwork, how to manage dating and respect for their elders are all things that used to be common sense but all start with us as parents.

I hope you found some value in these tips. You may be able to relate to some, or take a different approach but however your parent, be mindful that children are your ultimate legacy and represent your family so hopefully they turn out to be positive contributors to your family, the community and the environment.

#parenting #family #children